You may already know that my youngest has had some health issues. What you may not know is that before she came along, I was weak. I passed out when the nurse pricked my finger when I went in for my first prenatal appointment. I couldn’t stay in the same room when the vet examined my kitten. The thought of going through childbirth terrified me. I worried about everything – the pain, what life would be like, if I could handle being a mom.
Then, on June 22, 1995, I left my doctor’s office, drove myself to the hospital and 15 minutes later, my kiddo was born by emergency C-section. She had her first heart surgery when she was a day old, her first brain surgery when she was three weeks old, and another when she was three months old. Pretty rough stuff for a 2 lb 7 oz infant. I was in pretty rough shape, too. During my stay at the hospital (part of it in ICU myself), I was poked, prodded, and so much blood was drawn, it really didn’t bother me anymore. Our tiny baby spent three months in the NICU. During that time, I discovered that I was so much stronger than I ever dreamed. Suddenly, the little stuff didn’t matter as much. I shifted into survival mode.
But the moment I realized how strong I was was when my kiddo needed surgery at 2 1/2 years old. Her shunt failed. She needed a new valve and catheter into her brain. The surgery went well and she was released the same day. We took our little girl home with a c-shaped scar on her head, thankful for the good docs at the University of Missouri. A week or so later, I sat in the neurosurgeon’s office with her in my lap as the doctor pulled staples out of her head (you know, what he used looked a lot like what I use to pull big staples out at the office . . . ).
If anyone had told me that I’d be able to do that a few years before, I would’ve shaken my head and declared confidently, “No way!”
She needed another surgery when she was 11, and just last month, she needed another. This most recent one was difficult for different reasons. My kiddo is now living on her own, an adult. Yet, it was just as hard to watch them take her away to the O.R. as it was all the other times. I still waited anxiously to see her after it was over. This time she didn’t want me to stay the night with her, she wanted her boyfriend. Though that hurt my feelings, I left them together at the hospital, glad that I’ve raised a daughter who is strong enough to deal with her health issues.
The obstacles that life throws at you make you stronger. I tried to incorporate that in my book, Denim & Diamonds. I wanted Beth to start off unsure of herself, and wanted her to grow throughout the story – to find strength that she didn’t know she had.
Tell me about your strength. When did you discover you are stronger than you thought?